I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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