Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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