ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
