I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
