Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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