she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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