what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
