so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
