if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
