I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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