You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
