This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
