Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
