I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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