so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
