Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You are a genius and a whore.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
