I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Damn victory sex feels great
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
