I can tuck mytits in my pants
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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