sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
