i just google imaged poop.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
