If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
