So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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