Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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