You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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