That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
