soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
