I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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