What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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