i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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