I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
