So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
