i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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