worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
