They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
