I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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