We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
