There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
