.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
