I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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