It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
