it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
