okay pat passed out under dana's car
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
