dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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