I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Found your dick twin last night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
