My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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