I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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