Soap is not a condiment
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
