i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
