Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
