You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
