You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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